#001 Why you’re not who you think you are

Cogito, ergo sum. Je pense, donc je suis. I think, therefore I am.

The philosophical statement “I think, therefore I am” was first proposed by René Descartes in 1637 [1]. Determining the mind as the most certain thing of existence, Descartes thought he had found the deepest truth of humanity and many followed his proposition.

“I think, therefore I am” inspired me to reflect on what our thinking is and whether it determines who we are.

We wouldn’t survive a day without thinking

One thing is for sure: We would not make it through a single day without thinking. We would not be able to structure our day, to make it to work on time, to write exams. Would you survive a day without thinking? Most likely not. “I think, therefore I am” makes sense for another reason. By thinking we allow us to create a picture of ourselves that we can identify with. Our skills, capabilities, knowledge. Everything we have consciously done to create the future. Who would I be without thinking? I wouldn’t know. Thinking, therefore, gives us safety. I think about the past and make plans for the future, therefore I know who I am. Right?

So far so good, but what happens once I stop thinking? Do I not exist anymore? What about animals and plants? My dad has chickens in our garden and it’s truly calming me down watching them only following their instincts, walking around all day, picking the grass, taking time to relax in the sun. Not thinking about anything but only being. Does this mean chickens don’t exist? Clearly, there must be a mistake.

Yes, thinking is an essential part of human life. Clearly, however, there is no connection to our existence. To me, Descartes did not describe the deepest truth, but the deepest misconception of humanity. Descartes puts thinking and identity on the same level. But we’re not our minds. We’re also not our bodies. We are pure awareness and consciousness.

“I think, therefore I am not here” (Thich Nhat Hanh)

Our mind (and thinking), however, is not aware. The present moment does not exist for our thinking. Or as the famous Vietnamese zen-master Thich Nhat Hanh puts it: “I think, therefore I am not here” [2]. Thus, we can only be in the present moment if we stop thinking. This is because our mind constantly needs the past and the future to be able to even exist. Our mind needs the problems of the past to be able to deal with the fears of the future. Our thinking is so anxious that it avoids the present. Consequently, time and thinking don’t exist without each other [3]. I am never here when I think. The only thing determining the being, however, is the present moment because life is always now. I, therefore, propose: You’re not who you think you are.

But who am I if I’m not who I think I am?

Most people are controlled by their thoughts up to a level that they don’t even realize they have the choice to think anymore. The bad news is: 80-90% of our thinking is so negative, repetitive and useless that it can even be damaging [3]. We like to stick with problems and actions from the past that can never be undone and get lost in fears about the future. The time we actually use our mind for productive decision making is quite limited.

Charles Cooley once perfectly described our confused mind when he said: “I’m not what I think I am; I’m not what you think I am; I am what I think you think I am” [4]. So I live, we live, in a perception of a perception of ourselves. Because, if I think, that you think, that I’m successful, then I feel successful. And, the truth is, what I think may not even be what you think. We’re basing our self-perception on complete subjective assumptions and misconceptions.

Inner peace begins when we take control of our mind

Recently, I was asked: “Jacob, I can’t remember any moment in my life where I was not thinking. How do you even do that?” And frankly, there is no easy way to learn this within a day. But becoming aware of the difference between our mind (thinking) and our inner being is the first essential step. Eckhardt Tolle describes that inner freedom begins when we take control of our minds. When we’re aware of thoughts passing by without giving them value. I like to use the picture of a blue sky to visualize this. Imagine a blue sky in the summer. Imagine the clouds passing by. And think of how calm the blue sky remains. Clouds come and go but the sky will always stay, it is always in control. Clouds are part of the sky, sometimes there are more clouds and sometimes less, but they’re not defining what the sky is. Clouds just like thoughts come and go. But the sky is not addicted to clouds the way we are addicted to our thoughts.

So don’t try to capture your being with your mind, your thoughts. You’ll only really feel yourself, you’ll only have that extraordinary rapid insight, when the mind is very still, when the word is absent [5].

Say yes to the present moment, say yes to life

If there is anything positive about the current corona-crisis, then it is that most of us are less busy. Use the new feeling of having more time. Use the time to feel yourself, your inner being, your soul. Let the mind and the body on the side for a moment because the soul is the real thing. Deeply recognize that your whole life always happens in the present moment. Stay there. Go and visit the past and the future when necessary. But always say yes to the present moment. Say yes to life. And yes, sometimes that’s difficult. Sometimes saying yes to the moment means suffering. Be the silent observer, accept what’s happening.

Finally, realize that you’re not who you think you are. You are not even the one thinking, but the one observing. Only stopping to think for a moment will lead you closer to your existence.

Jacob Nilius

[1]: René Descartes (1637). Discourse on the Method.
[2]: Thich Nhat Hanh (2012). You are here: Discovering the present moment.
[3]: Eckhardt Tolle (2010). The Power of Now.
[4]: Charles Cooley.
[5]: Michael Tang (2018). National Chengchi University.